I guess everything I'm wishing for is a BIG change.
But being too weak-willed I'm not able to change on my own.
It's funny I want to be renewed from the inside but waiting for an impulse from the outside.
I'm so pathetic. And scared of everything.
I'm a mess. Right now even more than I ever used to be.
I want to hide in the dark yet I'm desperately running to the light.
I'm afraid of being too close to people yet I'm trying to reach them, grab them, hold them.
I want to shut in yet showing too much of my nature.
I don't want anyone to know my embarrassing side yet I'm too greedy to expose it like I'm screaming "Accept me as I am"
Oh yeah, accept me as I am cause I'm nothing but a weak-willed scum too lazy to change herself at her own.
But world doesn't work this way.
What the hell, you're too damn disgusting! JUST DO SOMETHING.
Do something. Even if it won't help. At least you'll get a right to say: "I'm trying to change. I'm moving on. I'm not just sitting and whining about it"
Or just leave alone the people you don't deserve being with if you're not able to change yourself for them. Stop blaming other for you being a FAILURE.