life will tear you apart you are so fucked up
I try not to think.
I tell myself to block these thoughts.
To be rational.
No need to think about this.
No use to think about this.
I force myself to think of something else.
But at the back of my head emotions are breaking through.
Irrational and wordless, flooding and breeding, spilling over the top.
Spinning and swirling, pushing me down, and I drown.
I want to sleep. I need to sleep. I have to sleep.
I can't.
I think of nothing and still want to cry.
I clear my mind of thoughts that make me cry,
but stinging in my eyes and the familiar lump at the back of my throat remain.
And I hate myself for not being able to control this.
I'm tired of constantly being on the verge of crying when I have no justifiable reasons to.
This is not how I should function.
I tell myself to block these thoughts.
To be rational.
No need to think about this.
No use to think about this.
I force myself to think of something else.
But at the back of my head emotions are breaking through.
Irrational and wordless, flooding and breeding, spilling over the top.
Spinning and swirling, pushing me down, and I drown.
I want to sleep. I need to sleep. I have to sleep.
I can't.
I think of nothing and still want to cry.
I clear my mind of thoughts that make me cry,
but stinging in my eyes and the familiar lump at the back of my throat remain.
And I hate myself for not being able to control this.
I'm tired of constantly being on the verge of crying when I have no justifiable reasons to.
This is not how I should function.